April 2010
1 post
not a broken record, it's just a repeat.
fort wayne is destroying me.
March 2010
1 post
February 2010
8 posts
cream on the inside, clean on the outside
lorettasscars:
satanlovesyou:
charmyourwayout:
Yaji and Kita
“You can go as if you were taking part in a picnic, enjoying all the delights of the road. You can sit down in the shadow of the trees and open your little tub of sake, and you can watch the pilgrims going by ringing their bells. Truly traveling means cleaning the life of care. With your straw sandals and your leggings you can wander wherever you like and enjoy the indescribable pleasures of...
Once again I had one of those dreams; that freeze. I was being held down onto my bed by four hands strong. I couldn’t move, could hardly breathe. Every time I’d try to wake up my eyes would squeeze shut tighter in spite of myself. The hands would grasp firmer. Sweating profusely, unable to even move any muscle, tendon or toe. After five times attempted waking I finally was able to open...
When the Author Was Painting the Vault of the...
hazal:
Michelangelo: To Giovanni da Pistoia “When the Author Was Painting the Vault of the Sistine Chapel” —1509
I’ve already grown a goiter from this torture, hunched up here like a cat in Lombardy (or anywhere else where the stagnant water’s poison). My stomach’s squashed under my chin, my beard’s pointing at heaven, my brain’s crushed in a casket, my breast twists like a harpy’s. My...
January 2010
19 posts
“The point is, not to resist the flow. You go up when you’re supposed to go up...”
– Haruki Murakami (The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle) (via 48books) (via hazal)
we only live once … honestly — who would want to do this twice?
It’s been a while since I’ve contributed a thought or two to the cause. I suppose I should write a list of what I’ve learned, or some sort of conclusion I have come to while I have been visiting Fort Wayne. The best I can offer is that there is no final conclusion, and that every lesson learned isn’t the last step in learning. Currently I’m in love with an ugly city,...
I might be staying!!!!!!!!!! Until the 24th!!!
I leave tomorrow morning. Kendra cut my hair and I enjoy it. The rat tail is happily more pronounced. I wanted to get the tattoo, but lost the time. Leaving one day earlier than hoped. Maybe someone will call in, cancel? I’ve been awake for 24 hours. I have sobered up twice in that period. I am tired now…but there’s no time to sleep, and no place to properly do it.
I once met a boy named Damien who was impossible to get a hold of.
Hopefully we will reach Fort Wayne by Sunday. The first couple of days are always surreal. Then it starts to feel all normal and home-ish again. I never really felt that way here. Something about large foreboding mountains that doesn’t say home, but says mystery. It’s hard to feel comfortable within a mystery, but it doesn’t make it any less interesting. My hatred for Montana has...
“I was born with soapbox shoes and raised on morals that I chose to lose and when...”
– Lewd Acts (via ryanpickard)
i’m leaving tomorrow with new vision (literally). maybe i’ll see something i’ve missed this whole time.
People with really bad taste shouldn’t make “top of the year” lists. I start reading through it and get really sad that they wasted an entire year listening to mediocre shit. Dig people, dig deeper. You’re missing out on all of the beautiful gems.
2010: the first four days; car accident, warrant for arrest, got fired, CPS, friend thinking of ending things, but — at least the family is growing closer. if you can shine a good light on things.
you know that train that i hopped on? yeah, you remember the one — i left, came back, left, etc… well, turns out i’ve needed a ticket this whole time and i don’t have one. where to go now?
I read books, paint and quietly lose my mind. That’s what I do.
Darling
Now I have Crass in my head:
They sell us love as divinity When it’s only a social obscenity Underneath they’re all lovable Hello hero, hero hello. Hello hero, Hello hello. Hello hero, hero hello. Hello hero, Hero hello. Hello, hello, hello, hello Obscene sentimental, hero hello Obsession, obsession, hello, hello Desire for protection, hero hello Protect your possessions, Enola...
“As I shut the door to my vehicle and make my way into the quiet, dark house, I realize there is no conclusion to draw. Life is all about choice. Choice to keep walking, keep being grateful and stay open to the possibilities. And let life show me how.”
A quote from my cousin, Christine. Simply stated and vastly profound.
December 2009
54 posts
The stone cutter doesn’t have the strength today
To chip away at whatever’s replaced your skin and bones
Skin and bones, now, no longer your own
They’re ambivalence and dexterity
Crawling on four feet, lingering
Rocky mountain street
Four thousand feet of clarity
Serene
Altitude sickness brings malleable energy
Recycled, reused, regretfully
I’ll take a reset; four...
5 until 2 and I busted out some homemade booze.
I was invited to go out on New Years with some co-workers. I won’t be because I’ll run into my ex boyfriend. Plus, why fucking bother?
I know he’s going to love this painting. But will he take this one as a declaration as well? Maybe it is. Yeah, it probably is. But what could either of us do about it? At this point, anymore, it’s just the waiting game.
Hey that all happened when
Yeah when was that anyway
Probably when my teeth
Started to rot right out of my head
I think the PBR leaked through my teeth
Into my brain.
It’s adorable and all, this secret crush someone has on me. But, I really wish that they would reveal to me who they are. It’s like, I don’t even get a choice in seeing if I’d consider it? I have a couple of guesses on who it is. There’s a certain voice in how people write, and I am pretty good at deciphering who has written what. You can’t hide that easily.
...
Try that one on for size.
pending thought #827409: joanna, you should change the color scheme ‘round these parts. my brain is bored.
Thanksgiving is cool, in that regard. Christmas, I fucking loathe.
i really really really like the food though.
I really really really don’t like holidays.
Slowly tumbling further down the rabbit hole. I’m starting to believe that there is no such thing as a healthy environment, because I’ve never been a part of one. I don’t want to feel like a victim, because being a victim, is being a fucking pussy. I’m not going to die a fucking pussy. I’m attacking each day, with mental aggression, suppressing the physical desires to...
I wonder what it takes to get men off the brain?
ART
Sometimes it’s free to make-you think
You think it’s free? Having already invested the time, the power, the emotion, the brain cells? You still think it’s free? Is it so easy to give away?
A gift that can’t be given, but shared.
Times like now I’m climbing on the edge of something and I know I should watch out but I can’t help but crawl deeper. I’m searching for something in nothing in nothing in nothing.
I think the problem is
Is that I can’t lean
Lean on anyone because
I’m too heavy now
Weighed down
By all this
All of this
My old heart died
I just haven’t found the time to
replace it yet.
It doesn’t mean I won’t I just
haven’t yet.
It will be my heart
Not someone else’s.
Back in Marion, again. I’m already bored and lonely. But so fortunately, I get to spend half of this break in Indiana. Yay!
A faint flame of something burns close to my heart. It only penetrates my chest through pinholes. These pinholes leak gin; straight. Take a drink. This is my life; pouring out. Light; sound; illusion. What’s to gain?
More than half of my boyfriends are engaged, married, or with children. I’m not jealous.